The thought of aging should inspire the idea of graceful transition: sprouting from youth, growing into adulthood and gracefully aging into seniority. Each unique opportunity that seniority brings should be addressed with warm regards and not seen as lesser than the last. But it does not.
I would be lying if I claimed that growing older did not incite feelings of anxiety, loss and contempt. Settling into old age seems like a pale reflection of the vibrant youth that preceded it. It is imagined as a weary loss of energy that turns the world and hair grey. It is a faulty depiction, yet the world continues to paint the turning of age as a pitiful state.
Biting words are used to describe it. Grizzled, ancient, outdated, aged and worn are all used to refer to the elderly and, most notably, elderly women. Even the term “old woman” carries a negative connotation. These words attack appearances. They pay no mind to the years of wisdom that seniors hold. They disregard the personality, love and dedication that a woman may offer.
But attitudes towards youth do the same. To describe a young girl, one might equate her and her beauty to a spring flower that is in full blossom, using words like blooming, greenness, springtide, “in the flower of one’s youth” and fresh-faced. Age is spoken about in terms of appearances. Youth holds a positive connotation, since this is when women best fit beauty standards. After youth, people become critical.
My mother was overjoyed when two women approached her to tell her that she had a “beautiful baby girl,” and family would praise her for having “such a cute daughter.” In my childhood, I remember when my admiration of a flower was quickly responded to when a gardener plucked it from the nursery and handed it to me. After I asked my mother why he did that, she explained, “Because you’re a pretty little girl.” Growing up, the treatment I received in public shifted drastically based on my appearances. This happens in school. This happens at home. This happens at work. And I am not the only one. Although pure in intention, it sends the wrong message to young girls: your looks matter.
Meanwhile, elderly women are treated with impatience. During my work as a cashier in a supermarket, I remember a regular customer who would always greet me with a smile. The smallest gestures, like handing her receipt to her or wishing her a good day, were always met with a polite “thank you.” She was slower than most other customers, but didn’t take up any more time than young girls do while tapping at their phones. Unlike those instances with young girls, customers behind her would frown impatiently and storm off to another register. Despite the lack of positive treatment elderhood receives, women will continue to age. The word “old woman” should not be met with discomfort. Age should not be a source of embarrassment or maltreatment.
Using beauty as a method of measuring a woman’s value is inherently toxic. In my extended family, a woman is expected to get married at the tender age of 25. Approaching the early 30s, they become “Sheng nu,” which means leftover women who are beginning to wilt. This pushes women into getting married out of fear, not love. But marriage cannot survive based off physical attraction alone. Sadly, one of my relatives fell victim to this, dropping out of university for an unhappy marriage and a long, messy divorce. That is a decision she still regrets.
In the media, beautiful young women are revered. Tabloids constantly evaluate women’s appearances, commenting on their apparel and bodies. Meanwhile, women who do not fit beauty standards are subjected to criticism and mockery — Uma Thurman is a noted victim of how sour commentary turns past a certain age. These practices tell women that their value is in their looks, not in their personality or achievements. But only one of these virtues is everlasting.
It is time for society to recognize a woman’s merits through her accomplishments. It is time for us to reinvent the image of seniority. Women are not flowers, and their livelihood is not indicated by their appearance. Age should not rob people of opportunities. Only by fighting this connotation and introducing a new perspective can we move past these harmful labels. Perhaps then older adulthood would be seen as a valuable chapter in life.
As for me, I have seen that woman recover from the devastation that an unhealthy marriage brought them. I have listened to my grandmother brag about her age, proud of surviving the Second World War and becoming an accomplished nurse. I have worked with older women who display more energy and vigor than most teenagers I know.
This is all evidence that elderhood can be graceful, vibrant and full of unique opportunities — and it exists all around us. We only need to pay attention.
By Morgan McKay
Please note that opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views and values of The Blank Page.
