Recently I used some of my friends as models for a fashion shoot. I am thankful for their help, but whenever I do shoots with them I start to feel insecure. I am happy to say that at the age of 20, when I look in the mirror I do feel beautiful. But that does not mean that my journey towards confidence is complete.
Gaining confidence is a process. It is not just a matter of being confident in your appearance, it is about finding confidence in your abilities. I have trained myself to avoid comparing how I look and who I am to others – this is a healthy habit. But it does not mean that it never happens, and it is particularly hard not to compare myself to my friends and conclude that they look better than I do. When you love fashion, beauty and spend a lot of time invested in these fields, you start to view yourself under a microscope.
Western society tends to pit women against each other. The capitalistic “rat race” extends to how we view ourselves and our physical and internal value. But we are actually more beautiful when we stand together – and this is a scientific fact. One study by the University of California found that people actually look more attractive when seen in groups. The “cheerleader effect” causes the human brain to mash together the features of every observable person into one more beautiful image. In other words, we cannot focus on our individual flaws as easily.
I have been working for a long time to figure out how to achieve this process myself, and I have found a few simple steps to help:
1 ) Develop your own standard of beauty
Once you know what is it about yourself that you love – what it is about your appearance or abilities that makes you feel beautiful – remember it, refine it and harness it. These can be small things, or things that may not seem very important. For example, I love my eyebrows and I am skilled at applying a perfect line of eyeliner. These are two things that, though minor, make me feel stunning – so I focus on them.
2 ) Remember that other people’s beauty has no effect on your own
The world is obsessed with beauty. Seeing social media feeds flooded with heavily photoshopped Victoria’s Secret angels can be hard. But everyone is different, and there is something beautiful about each and every one of us – including that very fact that no one else is beautiful in the exact way that we are. Remember: we are our own worst critics – allow yourself to see that way that you are beautiful like absolutely no one else.
3 ) Never stop telling yourself that you are beautiful
When I feel insecure, I fight to tell myself that I am beautiful. The more that I say it – try it, it is very simple, just say “I am beautiful!” – and keep saying it until you believe it, or are at least ready to entertain the idea. Start your day with this exercise, and see how much closer you get to accepting this fact. Say it every morning, and see how your day changes.
4 ) Do not be intimidated by looks
It is normal to get butterflies in your stomach when around someone you find physically attractive. Sometimes changing this is as simple as taking steps towards changing your mindset. For me, creating a catchphrase and keeping it close to me made all the difference. I decided that I would not be the type of person that got nervous around others, I would be the person people get nervous around. People are just people, and that makes them wonderful, amazing, and most importantly, human. Look at yourself with the same admiration you have for other beautiful people, and look at others with the same understanding of humanity that you feel when you look at yourself.
5) Do not wait for other people to approve of you
I never want to be someone who is dependant on the opinions of others to feel beautiful. Regardless of your relationship status, you are the only person that you have to be with for the rest of your life. It is your own approval that matters most. And if you do not seem to be getting interest from other people, think about it this way: a person is either interested in you because they think you are beautiful, or they are not interested in you because they know you are way out of their league.
6) Dress for you and only you
I express myself through my clothes, and I know what kind of outfits make me feel amazing. People do not necessarily notice the clothes that you wear, they notice the way that you feel and carry yourself when you wear them. More importantly, you will feel better about yourself, and eventually you end up wearing that self-love and looking better than any outfit can make you look.
By Mursal Rahman
Adapted from an original post on ForeverMursal.